Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

A long time ago, I received an e-mail from a friend with a link in it, telling me that he found a really funny beat-up-bin Laden game online. I followed it to discover Tom Fulp's Al Quaidamon---and, more importantly, the website that it was hosted upon. Newgrounds.

I made my account back in 2003, but I spent the first couple years like many visitors---only looking at front page stuff, totally ignorant of the BBS and the Portal process. Hell, I didn't even sign in. But sometime in 2005, stricken with boredom, I began browsing the site...and I discovered the Portal. And I begun a journey that would take me to over 30000 different flash movies and games.

My addiction and dedication to the Portal eventually led to me joining the Elite Guard Barracks in late 2005. There I continued B/P'ing like a mad motherfucker, averaging over 100 B/P a day and occasionally topping the speed charts for blamming and protecting. I rocketed up the ranks and reached Elite Guard Supreme Commander in September '06.

Since then I've been semi-retired from the B/P scene, although I still come out for Clock Day and the occasional random portal run. Most of my Newgrounds time is still spent in the Elite Guard Barracks, where I serve as Portal Operations Officer and Recruitment Officer, helping teach newer Newgrounders about the site and how best to protect it from abuse and shit.

During my active era, I was a somewhat prolific flash author, mostly in the spam variety. I joined the Barney Bunch for a period of time, submitting quite a few flashes under an alt that, to this day, remains secret. Once the BB disbanded, I continued their legendary Secret Episodes with various pieces about cartoons and, on a couple occasion, got a few Newgrounders together to make episodes about them. While I lost flash along with my computer in late 2007, I still look forward to the day when I can buy that shit again and wow Newgrounds with my hilarious, poorly-made lunacy.

Despite the general crappiness of my work, I actually have an astounding batting average of ~4.30, which is fucking insane considering that I can barely make fucking tweens. This is swell, because I can throw it in the face of shitty flash authors who respond to my mockery with "WELL YOUR STUFF SUCKS". Yes, it does, but I was clever enough to suck and have a batting average rivaling the top artists on the site.

While I am still retired, I can always be counted on to help hold back spam invasions, whistle stolen flash and abusive reviews, and teach others about how to do the same. Feel free to contact me with any questions or comments---I do not bite.

Unless you want me to. ;-D

*****************

IRL BIO

Canada-born, America-bred. Democrat, although I spent most of my life as a Republican and even (regrettably) voted for Bush in '04. Atheist. Environmentalist. Novelist. Storm-lover. Erotica reader/writer. Etc.

That's all I'll say---I like having a veil of secrecy over me, heh.

******************

CLUB AFFILIATIONS

1. Elite Guard Barracks
I'm the Lieutenant Commander and Recruitment Officer for the Elite Guard Barracks, a club made of high-ranking Newgrounders dedicated to fighting abuse and rulebreaking on the site. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about the club, Newgrounds, whatever---I'm happy to help.

2. Newgrounds Police Department
As the closest ally the Barracks has, the NGPD is for Newgrounders between Security Guard and Police Captain ranks, and many NGPD alumni end up joining the Barracks at the end of their tenure. I regularly scout for potential EGB recruits there, as the NGPD'ers of today are the Barracks members of tomorrow! If you don't have the rank for the Barracks, check out the NGPD---they'll get you started on your quest.

3. Wrestling Club
I'm a WWE/ECW fan; favorite wrestlers include Triple H, Matt Hardy, and Edge.

4. Pokemon Club
I've played Red, Blue, Yellow, Gold, Silver, Crystal, Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald, Pokemon Snap, Pokemon Stadium 1 and 2, and Pokemon Mystery Dungeon. My favorite Pokemon include Pidgeot, Golem, Castform, and (squee) Gardevoir.

*****

[Back to Slash's Index Page]